


I gave You All

by kurasshadow



Category: Arashi (Band)
Genre: Fluff and Angst, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-22
Updated: 2015-06-22
Packaged: 2018-04-05 15:04:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,154
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4184367
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kurasshadow/pseuds/kurasshadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"The less people know, the better."<br/>Following this simple principle, Nino and Ohno have kept their relationship a secret for years. But what happens if one of them can´t agree on this lifestyle anymore?</p>
            </blockquote>





	I gave You All

**Author's Note:**

> This story (especially the flashback-part) is based on an old ohmiya headcanon of mine.
> 
> Thanks to arara for beta-reading and Katinka for keeping me motivated.
> 
> This is the first fic I published, so comments of all sorts are appreciated.  
> Thanks for reading!

“I´m home!” Ohno proclaimed as he stepped in.  
“This is MY home, idiot!” Nino chuckled, without looking away from the screen of his TV, where he was fighting a bulky monster with his Level 46 magician. “How was dinner?”  
“Fun, as always. I brought some curry home.” Arashis leader took of his shoes and jacket and scuffed into the small kitchen, where he deposited the curry in the freezer.  
“Anything new?” The gamer asked loud enough for his partner to hear.  
Although he was aware that Nino couldn´t see it, the older shrugged. “Nothing much. Dad still has some problems with his lower back, but he gets messages. Sis got dumped by this banker...”  
“So nothing relevant?”  
“Well…My mother asked whether I had a girlfriend” said Ohno while grabbing himself a can of beer from the fridge.  
Ninos hands cramped a little, but he tried to sound casual as ever. “So? What did you answer?”  
“Same as every time. That there is no girlfriend.” Ohno sat down on the soft sofa next to his partner carefully, trying not to spill his drink.  
“But, you know…I was close to telling her the truth today.”  
Ninos head turned so fast that his neck muscles protested, resulting in a small, stinging pain.

“You – you told her what?”  
“I told her nothing. It´s just…she looks so worried, you know? And I just don´t want to lie at my mother anymore”.  
“You are not lying, are you?” Nino snapped, sounding a little bit more annoyed than he had intended. He turned back to the flickering TV-screen, where he noticed his characters health bar was already in the red zone.  
“I´m not telling her the truth either. And I thought it would be fun if you could join us for dinner next time. We can have fun together. Mum said she would make nabe…I guess she will add an extra potion of meat if I-” Ohno couldn´t finish his sentence.  
“I already visited, remember?”  
“Yes. 3 years ago. As a friend. Not as my boyfriend.”  
Nino felt a clump of harsh answers climbing up his throat, but he managed to put himself together and swallowed it down. If he shut up his partner might just let the case rest like always. 

“Kazunari?” Ninos eyes were glued to the screen of his TV, but in the corner of his eye he witnessed that Ohno put down his beer and changed his sitting position so that he could face Nino with his whole upper body.  
“What are you afraid of?”  
“I´m not afraid, idiot”  
“Yes you are.” Crap. This was one of those rare moments in which Ohno showed how serious and accusing he could be. Getting out of this one wouldn´t be as easy as usually, Nino figured. He sighed, but did not dare to try to his usual excuses.  
“Mom likes you. And so does dad. They will be relieved knowing I´m with you.”  
“Sure.” The younger one responded mechanically.  
“So why shouldn´t I tell them?”  
“The less people know, the better.” 

This was it. This was the principle he had always followed since the moment he and Ohno had kissed for the first time several years ago. Back then it was more of an unspoken rule both boys followed intuitively. Was it the fear of being rejected? The ambiguity of their feelings for each other? Nino had sometimes thought up scenarios in which one of the two blurted out their secret after too much glasses of beer, but to his knowledge something like that did never happen. 

It had actually took them pretty long to sit down to address this matter, resulting in the first time this phrase passed Ninos lips. After all, both of them tended to evade conflict and unpleasant topics as long as possible. They sat on this very same sofa, just one week after Nino had moved into this apartment. He had unpretentiously presented the older one with the security-code for the building and the spare key to the front door. “The less people know the better”, he had declared plainly, and Ohno had just nodded, as if he agreed unconditionally.  
This very phrase had not only been powerful enough to stop them from discussing and arguing several times, but it was also useful for Nino to calm down and suppress all thoughts of doubt. It became a tool, a method to make life easier and uncomplicated, even though it just helped prolonging conflict instead of solving it.  
Nino couldn´t help but deny that this evening could be the first time his usual strategy would fail. His partner didn´t seem to consider himself satisfied with this answer.

“Is it about work? It´s okay, we don´t have to tell them. They won´t find out. It worked out all these years, too.”  
“If it worked out all of this time, why changing it then, mh? Isn´t it fine the way it is?”  
Nino still faced the screen, franticly trying to distract himself with the game. Did Ohno notice his character was running around aimlessly in circles? Could he feel how nervous Nino was at this moment? It was hard to believe the opposite. Nino knew there was hardly another person who understood him as well as this old, sleepy, fishing-loving man. But this was yet another reason why the younger was startled. If he knew him so well, why couldn´t he figure out the answer himself? Why did he have to put Nino through this whole painful and awkward conversation? 

“I just want mum to know. She cares about me so much. She wonders why I don´t have a girlfriend. She thinks I´m suffering. I just want to explain and calm her down. And to be honest…I thought it might feel good to tell somebody. And isn´t it kind of necessary to have someone to talk about your relationship?”  
No, Nino thought. No, he didn´t want to think about all of this now. About what was considered normal and necessary. About what was expected of him, both from his lover and from society. About what consequences they would have to face. And most of all, he didn´t want to accept that there was no other way than facing all of these questions soon.

And his head went blank.

“I´m not sure this a real relationship”, he stated plainly while navigating his game character into a new fight with a low-leveled monster.  
“What?” Ohno responded, clearly taken by surprise.  
“I mean I love you, I really do. But I don´t know if you can call this a relationship.”  
“You can´t be serious.” Ohnos trembling voice showed that he wasn´t sure whether or not Nino was joking.  
Nino himself wasn´t sure, too. His normally quick-working, witty mind seemed to fail him now. The words just dropped out of his mouth.  
“It sure is…something. But do you remember when all of this started? And how?”  
“That´s nothing you would forget, is it?”  
Actually Nino wouldn´t be surprised if he had. On this night years ago, nothing magnificent or outstanding happened. No confession or epiphany, it just…sort of turned out this way.

\---

After their concert, the five boys of Arashi had their own, private after-party in Shos hotel room. Although the concert had been draining their energy drastically, the adrenaline and excitement still hadn´t left their bodies, so they would jump around on the bed and laugh at each others adolescent, silly antics while feasting on some fast food they had ordered.  
Matsujun spent most of the time studying a recording of their morning rehearsal which was playing on the small TV in the corner of the room. The other four were on a quest to shoot the most ridiculous photo they could think of. No pose was too absurd, no grimace too ridiculous - Sho was eagerly pushing the trigger of his new digital camera, while Aiba, Ohno and Nino had their way with themselves and the furniture.

“Do that one!” The rapper commanded after laughing loudly. “The one you did today at the concert!”  
“Hey, that wasn´t us!” Nino grinned widely and took a sidelong glance at Ohno. Was he thinking the same?  
Ohno pouted his lips and looked at Nino reproachfully. “What are you saying Yuuji?!”  
“Oh dear ~ I am sorry!” The switch was flipped. The two boys who now started posing together were completely in character.  
“Hello~ We are Ohmiya SK!” Nino purred after he jumped into Ohnos arms, the latter desperately trying to keep his balance.  
Sho laughed too hard to take any decent pictures and even Matsujun turned his head to watch the spectacle they were putting together behind his back. Aiba snored silently, his head resting on the nightstand. He had already surrendered to the lack of sleep of the past days and two cans of beer, but if he would be awake right now his tension surely would be as high as the of the others.

This little skit Nino had come up with after some drinks to stop his boredom was even more popular than he had imagined at first. Whenever these two stepped up the stage, the fans went crazy. And it wasn´t just the fans who had a blast, the other members couldn´t get enough of them too. And most importantly, Ohno and Nino themselves didn´t mind at all.  
Nino wasn´t able to describe it any further, but there was a strange kind of chemistry between the both of them, something he had never felt before. Sure, he had been friends with Aiba for many years now, and there was a deep bond of friendship which he was grateful for. But this relationship was based on spending lots of time together when they were still juniors. 

With Ohno, however, the case was different. When he had first met the elder, Nino couldn´t even imagine getting close to him. He always seemed to be lost in his own private fantasy-world, withdrawn and sometimes even a bit stupid. But once they opened up to each other Nino discovered that he actually was an incredibly interesting person, resembling himself in an undefinable way. He wouldn´t want to do this whole Ohmiya SK which any other person in the world.

Juns loud yawn jolted Nino out of his thoughts.  
“Guys, it´s already 4 in the morning. We have to get up at 8, remember?”

\---

Nino breathed heavily as he backed against the closed door of Aibas room. He had volunteered carrying his sleeping group-member back to his place together with Jun, which turned out to be more challenging than anticipated. The thought of sleeping was actually really welcome to him. Now all that was left to do was entering his own room and lying down on the soft bed - wait. 

Where was his key-card? His trousers had no pockets, he carried no bag or purse, so where could it be? Did he forget it at Shos place?  
On his way back to where he just came from, it suddenly came to him: Ohno! He had pressed it into Leaders hand to keep it safe for him, hadn´t he? There was no other choice, he had to ask the older himself. 

Nino knocked three times on the door he remembered to be Ohnos. “You better be not asleep already old man” he muttered. But his worries were in vain, the door opened faster than expected.  
The plain, sleepy look on Leaders face was too adorable and Nino couldn´t help but fall back into character.  
“Hey Taka, won´t you let me in? I missed you~”  
Ohno furled his eyebrows in confusion “Uhh…I was about to sleep…”  
“Guess what? Me too! But I find that pretty difficult without a bed to sleep in.”  
“Just…use your own?”  
“My key-card, idiot.”  
“Oh...maybe in my pants?” Nino just noticed Leader had already taken off his trousers and was standing there, dressed only in his boxers.  
“You are slower than a turtle, sheesh.” 

He slipped inside the dark room without any invitation, heading for a pile of clothes he could make out in one dim corner. Behind him he could hear Ohno closing the door.  
“Of course”, Nino complained, “make the room even darker, genius!”  
“Mouu, don´t be so mean Yuuji…where was the switch again…”  
“Nah, it´s fine. Found it!” he held his card triumphantly in the air. “But you know… since you almost let me sleep on the hard, cold floor of the corridor” - Nino added some fake, little sobs – “maybe I should just take YOUR bed and let YOU sleep on the floor!”  
As if to show his determination he jumped unto Leaders bed and snuggled into his pillow.  
“Sure Yuuji…” Ohno sat down on the edge of the bed. “But I don´t mind simply sharing my bed with you, too, you know”.  
What an idiot, Nino thought. But he couldn´t help giggling quietly and making some space for the other man.  
“Sounds like a plan to me, Taka. Or should I tell you that was my plan all along?”  
“Ahhh Yuuji, you are so clever~” Ohno purred and lay down beneath his group-member. “That´s what I love about you.”  
“And you fell right in my trap. That´s what I love about you.”  
“Yuuji…”  
“Taka!”

Their faces drew closer and closer with every word the two of them whispered like they were in a really soppy love-drama. This had actually become kind of a routine lately, and Nino didn´t even bother to think about his actions.  
Now Ohnos lips were only millimeters before his own and the younger one could feel his warm, steady breath on his skin. Like almost every other time their lips eventually touched. And it felt good.  
This wasn´t the first time they kissed – they had done it several times on stage accompanied by the screams of fangirls and even in private when they acted out their little, spontaneous skits in front of the other members. 

But was Nino mistaken or was this kiss slightly longer than all the other kisses before? He didn´t mind at all. He liked Ohnos soft, plump lips, how they brushed against his own. When they finally separated Nino was almost disappointed. Actually, he thought, he wasn´t reluctant to this whole thing at all.  
As if he had read Ninos mind, Ohno suddenly pressed his lips against Ninos again, more determined than ever before. Taken by surprise the younger one almost pulled his head back, but gave in to it nevertheless.  
It was fine, wasn´t it? This what they always did. They were Ohmiya SK after all.

This time it wasn´t a sheer peck on the lips. After what felt like an eternity of just resting on each other, their lips parted a bit, just wide enough for Ohnos tongue to slip into Ninos mouth. The younger one let him do as he liked, even opening his mouth a bit wider. He could feel Ohnos Hand caressing his neck, wandering upwards until it grabbed his hear gently, pulling him even closer.  
When Nino found himself caressing the bulge in Ohnos boxers minutes later, he instinctively realized there was no turning back.

\---

“Don´t you sometimes feel like this was all a big kind of coincidence? We wanted to play around, so we did. We became older and closer. None of us felt like putting an end to it, so we continued until today.” Could one depict years of caring and loving even plainer?  
“Sounds pretty much like a relationship to me.”  
“Well, it sure is…Something.” Ouch. Did he really say that the second time in a row? Nino did not dare to look Ohno into the eyes. But the older seemed to have no aspiration to respond. Was this the end of the conversation? Or did he just wait for further explanation? Somehow Nino felt the need to put it right, but when he opened his mouth to apologize, he noticed in shock how his own words disobeyed his mind again.

“I can´t explain it…I just still don´t know what to think about this whole situation. I always thought of it as some kind of phase.” A pretty long phase, as he must admit.  
“Don´t you think it´s time to accept that this is more than a mere phase? Maybe it´s just this whole concealing and hiding. You may feel better after talking to others or…”  
“Could you please stop it? Why won´t understand? YOU say you don´t want to lie to people? Well, I don´t want that, too. I don´t want YOU to tell stuff to other people I´m not even sure of myself, understand?”  
It took Ohno ages to answer. His voice was as gentle and warm as always.  
“I see.”  
He finished his can of beer in one gulp.  
“I´ll take a bath and go to bed. I have a location shoot tomorrow morning.”  
That didn´t feel like a victory at all.

\---

After two more hours of dueling monsters and demons, Nino finally went to bed. As he snuggled up on the back of Ohno, who was already sound asleep, he had already suppressed all guilty feelings and memories of this evening. 

The next day, Ohno had left him breakfast before leaving for work. The day after, the older greeted Nino with warm, caring eyes as they met in the green room. A week later, he chuckled over a silly joke the gamer made and smiled patiently as he watched him practicing their newest choreography.  
But until this very day, he had never visited Ninos apartment again.

Nino was sure that if he talked it out with the older, there was still a possibility to fix this train wreck somehow. Surely Ohno was just waiting for some sort of apology. Every time Nino was curled up inside his bed, trying to ignore these unbearable feelings of regret, despair and sadness, every evening he tried to drown all of the guilt, frustration and self-hate in alcohol he swore to himself that he would confront his lost love the next day.

However, this confrontation required the courage to swallow his pride and to admit how cowardly he had acted. It required taking off the mask he wore for years, hiding all his insecurities and fears, revealing the vulnerable self he had tried to protect.  
Maybe, he figured, it was better for others not to see this side of him. They could take advantage of the situation and make him blurt out well-kept secrets after all. 

And the less people knew, the better.


End file.
